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FAQs:

What is Bereavement?

Bereavement refers to the state of having experienced the loss of a loved one. It most often refers to the time after a loss when emotions are at their most profound. This time is marked by intense grief and tremendous sorrow. The term is sometimes used synonymously with grief and mourning. How people experience this time of grief can vary from one person to the next. While bereavement is usually associated with death, it can also occur after other significant losses. The end of an important relationship or a major change in a person's health, for example, can also lead to feelings of bereavement.

What is Bereavement Leave?

Bereavement leave is generally described as paid or unpaid time away from work granted to employees after the passing of a family member. Employers may define bereavement leave eligibility and qualifications within a formal written policy or employee handbook to educate employees and help ensure consistency across the organization. Generally, this type of leave extends anywhere from a few days off to mourn a loved one's passing to several weeks of leave if needed to make funeral arrangements and tend to an estate. State law may dictate minimum requirements in some jurisdictions.

What is Bereavement Counseling?

Bereavement counseling (also sometimes called “grief counseling”) provides assistance and support for people going through emotional and psychological stress after the death of a loved one. Bereavement counseling includes a broad range of transition services, including outreach, counseling, and referral services to family members.

What are Bereavement Support Groups?

Bereavement support groups provide opportunities for you to discuss your experiences and learn about grief with others who have experienced loss. Although most groups are facilitated by trained professionals, the true source of support is others who are also experiencing grief and loss.

Sometimes well-meaning friends or family try to protect the griever by not mentioning the dead person's name, or by removing reminders of the loss. This strategy communicates that the pain of dealing with the loss would be overwhelming. Often, although friends and family mean well, they may either be experiencing loss as well or simply do not know how to "be there" in the most helpful way.

Because of one's extreme sensitivity during a time of loss, others' responses may be disappointing or hurtful. In this situation, it can be very helpful to have a safe place to express your thoughts and feelings where you know everyone will understand and accept you.

Is Bereavement Leave Required by Law?

There is no federal law requiring bereavement leave. Most states also don’t have requirements for employers to provide paid bereavement leave. A notable exception is Oregon. Oregon’s bereavement leave requires up to 2 weeks of leave per year for bereavement per family member for eligible employees of covered employers based on specific qualifications.

Other U.S. cities and states are also pondering creating bereavement leave requirements for employers. Some employees may be eligible to take employee leave for bereavement under the terms of a collective bargaining agreement. Many unions include such provisions in their contract negotiations. Nevertheless, the majority of U.S. businesses do offer some type of formal or informal bereavement leave.

Who Qualifies for Bereavement?

In general, a bereavement policy may indicate that the person who passed away must be a specific relation, such as a parent, spouse, domestic partner, child, or sibling. The length of the leave may also change depending on the personal relationship between the employee and their loved one. Typically, more time is given for the death of an immediate family member, but employers may allow some flexibility within a bereavement leave policy. Employers should comply with any applicable state or local laws when developing their policy, including whether they will request proof of loss, such as a death certificate or obituary, before granting a leave for bereavement.

Outside of a bereavement leave policy, companies may grant funeral leave to employees, which typically is a shorter leave, to attend the funeral or memorial services of an individual not covered under the bereavement policy.

How Many Bereavement Days?

The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, which mostly defines bereavement leave as time off to attend a funeral, suggests three days is common for immediate family and one day for other family members.

Many organizations choose to follow a similar structure of adjusting the amount of leave available based on the family member. Some organizations determine the amount of bereavement leave based on the relationship with the deceased. For immediate family — spouse, child, parent, or grandparent (including step-children and in-laws) — the longest amount of time is typically provided. In today’s five-generation workforce, great-grandparents and great-grandchildren should be included in this category as well.

For example, average bereavement leave for the following categories tends to trend as follows:

1. Leave offered for the death of a spouse: three to five days.

2. Leave offered for the death of a child, parent, or sibling: three to five days.

3. Leave offered for the death of extended relatives: one day.

Is Bereavement Time Paid?

Some companies offer paid time off, while others allow grieving employees to take unpaid leave or perhaps a combination of paid and unpaid time, subject to applicable law. Employers are encouraged to address whether bereavement leave is paid time off in their employee handbook or bereavement policy.

Can Bereavement Leave Be Denied?

Depending on the bereavement policy, an employee's request for time off may be denied. However, when an employee struggles with grief, the manager should follow up on any denial with a discussion of additional options or leave benefits available. Flexible bereavement policies may allow more leeway to grant time off under a wider range of circumstances.

What is the Difference Between Bereavement and Grief?

These are not the same thing, even though they can overlap at times. Bereavement involves the period right after the loss and when mourning occurs. This is when bereavement, grief, and mourning are terms that all are used to mean the same thing. But it’s important to note that bereavement is not always rooted in the death of a loved one. Many other types of losses can impact your emotional well-being, such as divorce, job loss, house fire, or your best friend moving away.

Grief is a person’s natural reaction to loss, manifesting itself in emotional pain and sadness. But just like bereavement, you can grieve for losses other than human life, which can spur feelings of guilt, anger, jealousy, and even indifference. Everyone grieves differently, and there are many kinds of grief.

Is Bereavement the Same as Mourning?

The terms bereavement and mourning are often used interchangeably, however, they have different meanings. Bereavement is the period after a loss during which grief and mourning occur. The time spent in bereavement for the loss of a loved one depends on the circumstances of the loss and the level of attachment to the person who died. Mourning is the process by which people adapt to a loss. Mourning is greatly influenced by cultural beliefs, practices, and rituals.

What is a Bereavement Counselor?

Bereavement counselors are trained and qualified to help you process the feelings you have as you go through the stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - and adapt to your new life. A bereavement counselor can help you understand your complex and painful emotions and reduce the distress you may have about how you are feeling.

Five Stages of Bereavement

The concept of the five stages of bereavement was first introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her groundbreaking book “On Death and Dying,” published in 1969. Although these stages are not experienced linearly or uniformly, they serve as a helpful guide for understanding the various emotions that one may encounter during the grieving process. It is important to remember that grief is a deeply personal and unique experience, with no right or wrong way to grieve.

Stage 1: Denial

The first stage of bereavement is denial. When confronted with the reality of a loved one’s death, it is not uncommon for individuals to initially reject the truth of the situation. Denial acts as a defense mechanism, shielding the mind from the full impact of the loss. This stage is often characterized by a sense of numbness, disbelief, and shock. The mind, unable to process the enormity of the loss, may refuse to accept the finality of death.

Stage 2: Anger

As denial fades, it is often replaced by feelings of anger. This second stage of bereavement is characterized by intense frustration and bitterness. Anger may be directed towards various targets, including the deceased, oneself, other people, or even the world at large. The individual may feel a deep sense of injustice, questioning why their loved one had to die and why they are left to suffer.

Stage 3: Bargaining

The third stage of bereavement is bargaining, where the individual attempts to negotiate with a higher power, fate, or even themselves, to reverse or lessen the impact of the loss. This stage is often marked by “if only” statements, such as “If only I had done this differently,” or “If only I had been there sooner.” The person may make promises or pleas, hoping that by changing their behavior or making certain sacrifices, they can bring their loved one back or prevent further loss.

Stage 4: Depression

Depression is the fourth stage of bereavement and is often the most intense and prolonged. During this stage, the individual may feel an overwhelming sense of sadness, hopelessness, and despair. The reality of the loss begins to set in, and the individual may feel the full weight of their grief. This stage can be marked by a withdrawal from social activities, a loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities, and a general sense of numbness or apathy.

Stage 5: Acceptance

The final stage of bereavement is acceptance. This stage does not imply that the individual is “over” their loss, or that they no longer feel sadness or miss their loved one. Rather, acceptance represents a shift in perspective, where the individual begins to acknowledge the reality of the loss and learns to live with it. Acceptance involves finding a way to move forward, while still honoring the memory of the deceased.

Types Of Bereavement

The intensity of bereavement or grief differs from person to person. Though grief follows a specific pattern, many people develop different symptoms that prevent them from performing their daily activities. According to studies, the following are the common types of bereavement: 

1. Anticipatory grief 

A 2016 study described anticipatory grief as a grief reaction that occurs in anticipation of an impending loss. The term is most often used when discussing the families of a deceased person. 

2. Normal or common grief 

Normal grief reactions can be characterized by certain gradual movements toward the acceptance of a loss, although the person can face difficulties in performing basic daily activities.

3. Complicated grief

It is a recently recognized condition that can lead to a person ruminating about the circumstances of the death. People with this condition experience chronic anxious thoughts about the consequences. Research suggests that about 7% of bereaved people experience complicated grief.

Symptoms of Bereavement

Bereavement refers to the period of grief and mourning experienced after losing a loved one. It is often associated with intense emotional and physical responses. Common symptoms of bereavement include:

1. Shock: The unexpected loss of a loved one can trigger physical and emotional symptoms that are triggered by the body's stress response.

2. Numbness: You may feel detached, isolated, and disinterested in anything around you.

3. Guilt: You may feel guilty that you survived when someone else did not, or you may feel guilty about unresolved issues in your relationship with your loved one.

4. Sadness: Intense sadness about the loss of your loved one is normal.

5. Crying: It's normal to shed more tears than you normally do during this period of bereavement.

6. Depression: The sadness brought on by a loss can also result in feelings of depression.

7. Anger: You may also experience feelings of anger about the loss or even feel angry at your loved one for dying.

8. Changes in appetite: You might eat less or more than usual.

9. Difficulty sleeping: You may struggle to sleep or sleep much more than usual.

10. Trouble concentrating: Bereavement can affect your ability to focus.

Causes of Bereavement

Bereavement is a response to loss. The circumstances that surround the loss, as well as the closeness of the relationship, can play a role in how intense the grief is that people experience. Some types of losses that can cause bereavement include:

1. The death of a loved one: The loss of a family member or close friend can be one of the most difficult losses a person will face. In many cases, people must also cope with many different types of decisions related to the loss including making funeral arrangements and dealing with finances as they grapple with intense feelings of grief and sadness. 

2. Anticipatory grief: This type of bereavement may occur when a loved one is dying. While the person is not gone yet, loved ones may still experience feelings of grief including sadness and anger as they prepare for the loss of their loved one.

3. The loss of a beloved pet: Losing an animal companion can also trigger a period of bereavement. It can be a difficult transition and many people may struggle with feelings of deep sadness.

4. Miscarriage: The loss of a pregnancy can also lead to feelings of grief and a period of bereavement.

5. A loss due to suicide: When someone dies by suicide, loved ones may be left struggling with feelings of shock and guilt. Because suicide is sometimes accompanied by stigma, those who are grieving may feel particularly isolated and unsupported.

6. A change in health status: The onset of a chronic illness or a sudden change in a person’s health status can also lead to feelings of bereavement. People may experience feelings of fear, anger, anxiety, regret, and mourning as they face the new challenges presented by their condition.

Treatment for Bereavement

The experience of bereavement is a natural and inevitable part of life, albeit an incredibly painful part. It often temporarily affects a person's ability to function normally and can affect nearly every aspect of an individual's life. For people who are struggling to cope, professional help may be beneficial. Types of treatment include:

1. Bereavement therapy: Also known as grief counseling, this is a type of treatment designed to help people who are coping with a loss. You may speak about the circumstances surrounding your loved one's death as well as your emotions related to the loss.

2. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT works by helping people identify and change the negative thoughts that affect their mental well-being. CBT helps people learn how to make plans for the future, set goals for their recovery, and cope with their feelings about the death of their loved ones.

3. Grief-specific cognitive behavioral therapy: This type of therapy uses techniques similar to CBT, such as changing negative thought patterns. However, grief-specific cognitive behavioral therapy also teaches ways to develop a healthy attachment to your lost loved one in a way that doesn't negatively affect your life. It may be especially helpful for those with prolonged grief disorder.

4. Interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT): IPT is often used to treat depression; however, it has shown promising results in helping address symptoms of bereavement, particularly those associated with complicated grief. IPT focuses on building up your relationships and encourages involvement in activities you enjoy as part of your healing.

5. Complicated grief treatment (CGT): CGT combines elements of CBT and IPT. You will share the story of how you lost your loved one, work on building up healthy relationships, and set personal goals for yourself and your recovery.

Benefits of Bereavement Therapy

There are several benefits associated with bereavement therapy. Below are some reasons to consider this type of therapy if you are struggling with your grief:

1. Learn coping skills. Bereavement therapy can help you through one of the worst times of your life by learning new ways of coping and growing your mental strength in the face of adversity.

2. Express your emotions. Whether you are experiencing an immediate loss or one that is years old, bereavement counseling can help you express your emotions and feel better even long after the original trauma.

3. Understand your grief. This type of therapy helps you to understand your grief and what to expect as you move through various stages of the grieving process (e.g., denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance).

4. Regain your sense of self. Bereavement therapy can help you to develop a new identity without your loved one, by shifting your focus to other areas of your life or other roles that you play (e.g., a widower might focus on getting together with friends if he used to spend every day with his spouse).

5. Deal with difficult emotions. If you are in the throes of grief, bereavement counseling can help you to work through the pain and emotions that you are experiencing at the moment.

6. Remember your loved one healthily. This type of therapy can help you maintain your connection to your loved one while still moving on with your life, which is an important step towards feeling good about the way that you remember that person.

7. Life management skills. Bereavement therapy can help you manage changes in your routine and adapt to your new life without your loved one. During this tumultuous time, having someone to help you through these changes can be important.

What Happens During Bereavement Therapy

During bereavement therapy, you can expect to be involved in some or any of the following therapeutic exercises. Your therapist might also guide you through others depending on your specific situation.

1. Describe your loved one’s death and your feelings and emotions about the event.

2. Talk about any guilt that you have related to the death or events surrounding the death.

3. Making sense of your situation and how to move forward with your life.

4. Make a plan for your daily life if it has been greatly altered by the death of your loved one.

5. Learning about tools and techniques that you can use to start to feel better in the moment.

6. Speaking to your therapist in a private space where you can fully express yourself and not worry about being judged.

How To Cope with Bereavement

A person’s belief about death, life experiences, maturity level, religious upbringing, and cultural factors may also influence how that person will react during the grieving process. As it is a gradual process of responding to a loss, one cannot overcome it rapidly. But there are a few ways to help one deal with the pain and eventually move on in life, such as: 

1. Show yourself a little acceptance when you are experiencing difficult emotions.

2. Accept that your grief and pain can trigger various unexpected emotions. 

3. Try to talk about your loss with your loved ones. 

4. Seek emotional support from your family and friends. 

5. Understand that your grieving process can be unique to you.

6. Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep, eating healthy food, and staying physically active. 

7. Celebrate and cherish the good times you spent with the deceased one. 

8. Educate yourself about the grieving process and recognize the difference between grief and depression. 

9. Invest time in your hobbies and interests. 

10. Consult with a mental health professional, if you find extreme difficulty in dealing with the loss.

How to Find a Bereavement Counselor Near Me

You can get a bereavement counselor through public and private programs. Availability will depend on the area where you live, your budget, and other factors. Here are some of the best places to begin the search.

1. Speak to Your General Practitioner

Your general practitioner may know of community bereavement counselors or support groups in the area and can provide a referral. People suffering from complicated grief can also get information regarding therapy offerings.

2. Go Through Hospice

Many hospice programs offer bereavement support to their clients’ families and close friends. Loved ones may have access to a trained grief counselor or general resources that can connect them to one.

3. Go Through Your Employer

Some employee assistance programs offer bereavement counseling benefits. Often, these services are free up to a specified number of sessions. Inquire about this benefit to the human resources department to learn more.

4. Pay Out of Pocket

Many private counselors and therapists specialize in bereavement. They may work in private practice or offer services through an outpatient counseling program

Sources:

Very Well Mind

Paychex

Trinet

Vet Center

UCSF Health

Pathways Health

Lumen Learning

BACP

Clear Cremations

Mind

Simcoe Rehab