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FAQs:
What is Anger?
Anger is “an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage,” according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
Why Manage Anger?
Anger is an emotion that can range from mild irritation to intense rage. While many people categorize anger as a solely “negative emotion,” it can be positive. Angry feelings may spur you to stand up for someone or they may lead you to create social change. But when left unchecked, angry feelings can lead to aggressive behavior, like yelling at someone or damaging property. Angry feelings also may cause you to withdraw from the world and turn your anger inward, which can impact your health and well-being. Anger becomes problematic when it's felt too often or too intensely or when it's expressed in unhealthy ways, which can take a toll physically, mentally, and socially. For this reason, anger management strategies can be beneficial and can help you discover healthy ways to express your feelings.
What is Anger Management?
Anger management is a way to lessen the effects that anger has on you. Anger is a normal reaction and feeling, so you can’t make it go away. But you can learn to manage it better.
Anger is a powerful feeling. It’s a normal and healthy emotion that happens when you are frustrated, hurt, annoyed, or disappointed. It could be the result of something that happens to you, something someone said or did, or something you remember. Anger can help or hurt you, depending on how you react to it. If you can react without hurting someone else, it can be good. It’s useful when we need to protect ourselves, and it can motivate you to change things. But it can also make you lash out in ways that you shouldn’t.
If you hold your anger inside, it can lead to passive-aggressive behavior like ''getting back'' at people without telling them why or being critical and hostile. Knowing how to recognize and express these feelings in appropriate ways can help you handle emergencies, solve problems, and hold on to meaningful relationships.
What is the Best Therapy for Anger?
Most of the research surrounding anger management therapy has focused on Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and as such, CBT has been the dominant form of therapy in this area.
CBT emphasizes important links between how we feel, the thoughts and beliefs we have, and the behaviors we carry out and is a highly effective treatment for psychiatric and nonclinical groups.
CBT anger management interventions have been effective at helping a variety of populations, such as people with high blood pressure, angry drivers, people in prison, college students, police officers, and parents.
What Therapist is Best for Anger?
Finding a licensed and experienced therapist is crucial to figuring out the right treatment program suited to your needs. Here’s who can help:
1. Psychotherapist. This is the most common type of mental health professional. Also called “talk therapists,” these types of counselors work collaboratively with you to address underlying anger issues and their causes, while also helping you reach healthy behavioral goals.
2. Psychiatrist. Like psychotherapists, psychiatrists can help administer therapies for mental health treatment. These professionals are also doctors, so they have the ability to administer medications, if needed.
3. Play therapist. Younger children may benefit from psychotherapy done in the form of play therapy.
4. School counselor. These licensed mental health professionals are good starting points for children, teens, and college students. They may also help you work through school-related triggers of your anger.
Who Needs Anger Management Therapy?
Everyone can benefit from learning anger management skills. And if you have a mental health condition, anger management therapy can make a big difference in your quality of life and relationships. These conditions include:
1. Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.
2. Bipolar disorder.
3. Borderline personality disorder.
4. Depression.
5. Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder.
6. Generalized anxiety disorder.
7. Intermittent explosive disorder.
8. Oppositional defiant disorder.
How Long Does Anger Management Take?
Anger management therapy generally involves a series of sessions with your therapist over several months. If you’re diligent about practice, you can start to see the effects of your new techniques fairly quickly.
Your relationship with your therapist may last beyond the anger management series, and it’s normal to need to revisit therapy as things change in your life. For example, the anger management skills you need as a young adult are different from what you need as the parent of a toddler. Work situations change and life events happen, so give yourself some grace and don’t beat yourself up if you need a bit of a tune-up in anger management.
What Happens if You Don’t Find Healthy Ways to Express Your Anger?
If you suppress (don’t express) your anger, it can affect your thinking and behavior patterns and create (or make worse) a number of physical problems. When you’re angry more than you’re not, healthcare providers call it chronic anger. Chronic anger has been linked to health issues, including:
1. High blood pressure.
2. Heart disease.
3. Headaches.
4. Skin disorders like atopic dermatitis (eczema) and psoriasis.
5. Digestive problems like abdominal pain, constipation and diarrhea.
How Many Sessions Do I Need for Anger Management?
Anger management can take anywhere between 3-20 sessions. Anger Management therapy allows you to explore the possible triggers and causes of your anger.
In the first few sessions, you'll learn to:
1. Identify what situations trigger your anger.
2. Think about the thoughts and feelings you have in these trigger situations.
3. Begin to change the way you respond to these situations.
4. Learn practical anger management skills.
5. You'll also begin to think about and explore the underlying causes of your anger. This exploratory work can take at least a few weeks.
Sometimes people get what they need after 1 or 2 sessions, but most people benefit if they stick with the process longer.
What are Anger Management Classes?
Anger management classes are a form of behavioral therapy that offer tools, skills and guidance for anyone struggling with anger. These courses may be ordered by a court or employer if someone has had trouble controlling their anger in a public or professional setting, or can be taken out of personal interest. Courses are available in a variety of lengths and are often led by qualified instructors, such as therapists or licensed counselors.
Programs may be one-on-one video sessions or self-paced courses you can take on your own time. In addition to courses, some online anger management classes provide downloadable documents, quizzes that offer feedback and show your progress, and e-books that allow you to keep the information even after the course is done.
“Not only can anger management courses teach you how to communicate better, but they may also help to improve your health and well-being by curbing the side effects of unhealthy anger like headaches, sleeplessness and stomach issues,” says Susan Zinn, L.P.C.C., a licensed psychotherapist, behavioral researcher and founder of Westside Counseling Center in Santa Monica, California.
What is the Cost of Anger Management Programs?
The cost of anger management classes varies according to a person’s needs and preferences. Each program is designed with different objectives and targets different aspects of anger management to help each individual effectively.
For instance, if someone experiences anger issues due to past trauma, there are different programs to address those concerns. If someone experiences uncontrollable anger specifically in the workplace or due to excessive stress, there are different courses for it.
Accordingly, the anger management class cost reflects the different programs and modules included in them. Depending on the length, extensiveness, and nature of the class, anger management classes cost less than $70 and can go above $500 as well.
What Do Anger Management Therapists Do?
Anger management therapists help a client learn what triggers their anger and teach strategies to better respond to situations where these triggers are present. An anger management therapist may work with the client to identify whether they have unresolved problems that may be causing the client to lash out or to internalize their anger.
12 Symptoms of Problematic Anger in Adults
At the moment, there are no clinical criteria to diagnose problematic anger, but some patterns of behavior that could suggest anger management issues include the following:
1. Difficulties managing and expressing emotion in healthy ways
2. Problems in social, romantic, or work relationships because of behaviors stemming from anger
3. Substance misuse and/or addiction
4. Turning anger toward the self through self-harm or social withdrawal
5. The ability to work or study is impacted by anger or related behavior
6. Difficulty negotiating or coming to an agreement with others calmly
7. Anger is intense and/or occurs very often
8. Being very quick to rise to anger
9. Angry feelings continue for a long time
10. Getting very angry or violent when drinking alcohol
11. Violent, antisocial, or aggressive behavior
12. Encountering issues with law enforcement due to anger-related behaviors
Impact of Anger Issues
Anger can seem effective in the short term; for instance, someone who gets mad at their kids and shouts at them may feel satisfied if it means they do their chores. However, in the long term, anger issues can take a toll on the person’s health, relationships, work, and overall quality of life.
Impact on Relationships
McInnis outlines some of the ways that anger issues can affect a person’s relationships:
1. Friends, family members, and coworkers may feel like they have to walk on eggshells when dealing with a person who has anger issues.
2. Explosive anger issues can make it hard for others to trust the person, speak honestly to them, or feel comfortable around them, therefore negatively impacting their relationships.
3. The person’s anger issues can lead them to feel socially isolated because people don’t want to be around this type of behavior.
4. Aggressive and violent tendencies can put the person’s family and friends at risk for harm and make them feel unsafe.
These factors can disrupt the harmony in the person’s family and social circle, and make it hard for them to hold a job.
Impact on Physical Health
Anger is an emotional and physiological state that is accompanied by a surge of energy and certain biological changes in the body. These changes include:2
1. Muscle tension
2. Rapid heart rate
3. Increased blood pressure
4. Surge of hormones such as adrenaline
Frequent, intense, or prolonged bouts of anger can take a toll on the person’s physical health. According to McInnis, the long-term physical effects of uncontrolled anger can include:
1. Headaches
2. Anxiety
3. High blood pressure
4. Increased risk of heart disease
4 Stages of Anger
Anger is an emotion that everyone experiences. In fact, it can be a healthy barometer of something that needs to change in your life, or an indication of a relationship issue that needs addressed. Like all emotions, anger has different intensity levels or ‘stages’. Understanding the ways that it shows up in your life can help you manage it better by recognizing the signs that it is rising to the surface. By doing this, you help ensure that it doesn’t create as many negative consequences for you or those around you. Becoming more aware of the stages of anger also helps increase your emotional intelligence, or awareness of the reasons behind it, so you can use it as a tool to make positive and uplifting changes in your life.
Take a look at the 4 stages of anger, and some useful solutions you can utilize to help you de-escalate your emotional reaction at each phase.
ANNOYED
Studies have shown that most people become annoyed a few times per day, and this is a sign that something or someone is slightly bothersome or irritating to you. At this level of anger, it’s a good idea to review any thoughts that are going through your head. Since your adrenaline levels are still relatively moderate, you’ll be able to rationally think about some of the reasons behind your annoyance. You’ll also be able to determine if your anger is justified, and you’ll have the piece of mind to find a reasonable solution.
FRUSTRATED
When anger escalates beyond just a mild bother and you feel your stress levels begin to rise, you’ve moved into the state of frustration. Here, you’ll still able to use your brain to think rationally, but because of your heightened resentments or dissatisfaction with what’s happening, it might not be as easy to stay calm and clearheaded. That’s why it’s good to bring in some physical relaxation tactics at this point, such as calming breathing, muscle relaxation techniques, and soothing affirmations.
HOSTILE
Hostility tends to happen when there has been a large build-up of stress, pain, or anxiety in your life. Your tolerance for frustrating events is too low for you to be able to cope calmly anymore. This can occur for a number of reasons, such as experiencing an overabundance of physical or emotional pain, being overloaded with responsibilities, undergoing hormonal imbalances, or not understanding how to express your emotions in ways that ensure they don’t get ‘stuck’ inside of you. Hostility is the stage where you anger tends to boil up and out of you before a solution can be found to help alleviate it.
ENRAGED
This is the stage when you feel completely out of control. You may exhibit destructive behavior when your anger reaches this point, such lashing out physically, excessive swearing, or threatening violence. This happens very quickly, before the rational center of the brain has time to consciously think about your anger, and the survival center takes over. You might find yourself enraged for many of the same reasons that sparked your hostility, and reaching this stage may also indicate that your ‘reactive’ brain center is generally more active than your ‘planning’ brain center.
Types of Anger
There are three types of anger which help shape how we react in a situation that makes us angry. These are: Passive Aggression, Open Aggression, and Assertive Anger. If you are angry, the best approach is Assertive Anger. Big words, but check out what each type really means.
Passive Aggression
Many don’t like to admit that they are angry, because they don’t like confrontation – this is called passive aggression. This comes out in things like becoming silent when you are angry, sulking, procrastinating (putting stuff off you need to do), and pretending “everything is fine”. Passive aggression comes from a need to be in control. Want a hand with dealing with it? Read ahead about ‘assertive anger’.
Open Aggression
On the other hand, many people have a tendency to lash out in anger and rage, becoming physically or verbally aggressive and can often times hurt themselves or others. This is called Open Aggression. This comes out in fighting, bullying, blackmailing, accusing, shouting, bickering, sarcasm and criticism. Open aggression comes from a need to be in control. Want a hand with dealing with open aggression? Read ahead about ‘assertive anger’. Sometimes the anger can be taken out on property or even on ourselves – see the section on self-harm.
Assertive Anger
The healthy way to deal with anger is by being controlled and confident, talking and listening, and open to help in dealing with the situation. This Assertive anger can help relationships to grow. It means thinking before you speak, being confident in how you say it, yet open and flexible to the ‘other side’. It means being patient; not raising your voice; communicating how you are feeling emotionally, and really trying to understand what others are feeling. When you deal with anger assertively, you demonstrate that you are mature and care about your relationships and yourself.
10 Anger Management Tips
Do you fume when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure rocket when your child refuses to cooperate? Anger is a common and even healthy emotion. But it's important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships.
Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.
1. Think before you speak
In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything. Also allow others involved in the situation to do the same.
2. Once you're calm, express your concerns
As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
3. Get some exercise
Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run. Or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.
4. Take a timeout
Timeouts aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.
5. Identify possible solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room make you upset? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening. Or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Also, understand that some things are simply out of your control. Try to be realistic about what you can and cannot change. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.
6. Stick with 'I' statements
Criticizing or placing blame might only increase tension. Instead, use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" instead of "You never do any housework."
7. Don't hold a grudge
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. Forgiving someone who angered you might help you both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.
8. Use humor to release tension
Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what's making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
9. Practice relaxation skills
When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.
10. Know when to seek help
Learning to control anger can be a challenge at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.
Healthier Ways to Express Your Anger
If you’ve decided that the situation is worth getting angry about and there’s something you can do to make it better, the key is to express your feelings in a healthy way. Learning how to resolve conflict in a positive way will help you strengthen your relationships rather than damaging them.
Always fight fair. It’s okay to be upset at someone, but if you don’t fight fair, the relationship will quickly break down. Fighting fair allows you to express your own needs while still respecting others.
Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Respect the other person and their viewpoint.
Focus on the present. Once you are in the heat of arguing, it’s easy to start throwing past grievances into the mix. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem.
Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.
Take five if things get too heated. If your anger starts to spiral out of control, remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes or for as long as it takes you to cool down.
Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
Benefits of Anger Management Classes
There are several beneficial things that anger management therapy will teach you. Uncovering difficult emotions and your core beliefs about life in general will open the door for some much needed healing. Here is what you can expect to learn while in anger management:
1. You will learn to identify your true feelings
A lot of the reason that anger surfaces in the first place is that you are not in touch with your true feelings, and this alone makes you angry and frustrated. Anger management classes will teach you how to identify and express your true feelings, and come to the realization that anger is, in fact, a secondary emotions that arises from lack of self-awareness and self-compassion.
2. You will learn how to come into your power without using anger
When people use anger to dominate and control others, they are attempting to manipulate a situation in ways that are not healthy for anyone involved. Knowing how to own and express one’s personal power without becoming angry is very significant, for it marks the beginning of a new chapter of living authentically. Look forward to what this feels like as you discover a new way of relating to the world around you.
3. You will learn how to appreciate and find gratitude for life
Quite often, learning how to shift your focus from things that make you angry to things that you can be grateful for will shift your mindset too. Gratitude and appreciation compound upon themselves; the more you can find to be grateful for, the more life will line up to give you experiences that make your life more satisfying and fulfilling.
4. You will learn how to stay no….and stick with it
Many people become angry because they simply don’t know how to say no to themselves and others when it comes to overextending on commitments and obligations to others. Learning to say no to others is saying yes to yourself; in taking care of yourself, you’re building up a reservoir so that you are able to help others as needed. When your bucket is full, you will feel less resentment and anger at life’s responsibilities that crop up from time to time, demanding your attention.
5. You will learn how to manage your thought process
What you say to yourself is a good predictor of how you will act in certain situations. If your self talk is negative and limiting, you will react in anger at those self-imposed limitations. If what you say to yourself is nurturing and positive, you will be less likely to react by exploding and relating to others in a negative way. Watch what you say to yourself—-it will end up being how you speak to and relate to others as well.
What Happens During Anger Management Classes or Therapy
In anger management therapy, you’ll learn coping skills that help you understand what makes you angry and what anger looks like for you. Your therapist might ask questions like:
1. What makes you angry?
2. What are you really angry about? Is the intensity of your anger appropriate for the situation?
3. Is your anger masking another emotion? Fear? Anxiety? Hurt? Shame? An underlying health problem? Is it a reaction you learned as a child?
4. How does anger feel in your body?
Then, you’ll work with your therapist to develop coping skills or strategies. These are practical skills and things you can do when you notice that you’re angry. Anger management coping skills include:
1. Changing the way you think about situations. Your healthcare provider might call this cognitive restructuring. Instead of dwelling on or exaggerating negative feelings, you’ll learn to shift your perspective. You might swap negative self-talk like, “This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me,” with something more positive. Instead, you might say: “This is bad and it’s OK to be upset, but it’s not the end of the world.”
2. Communication skills to help you express your anger in healthy ways. You’ll learn different ways to gauge your reactions and talk about your feelings. You may also benefit from assertiveness training.
3. Relaxation techniques to help you pause before reacting. They can also help you let go after you’ve resolved an issue rather than rehashing the same issues over and over again (rumination). This may include meditation, breathing exercises or yoga. Or you might work together with your therapist to figure out what’s calming for you.
You’ll also practice these new skills with your therapist during your therapy session. Anger management classes often include practice outside your therapy sessions as well. You’ll need to practice your new plan until you’ve had some success managing your anger (a reduction in the number or severity of angry outbursts) and the techniques start to feel more natural.
There are different approaches to anger management therapy. It also looks different depending on your age, so it’ll be different for your school-age child than your teen, and different for you than your parents. Your therapist’s approach will be based on their previous experience and what they think will work best for you.
How to Help Someone Who Has Anger Issues
If someone close to you has anger management issues, you may be concerned about them and want to help. McInnis shares some steps you can take to help them.
Urge Them to Seek Professional Help
Encourage the person to see a mental healthcare professional, such as a therapist. Many therapists specialize in anger management and anger issues. There are also different forms of therapy that can help treat anger, such as:
1. Cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT): This is the most common type of therapy for anger-related issues. It involves identifying and changing unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors. For instance, a therapist may take a person with anger issues through scenarios that would normally trigger anger, working with them to recognize their overreaction and develop healthier coping skills.
2. Family therapy: This form of therapy can help address issues caused by anger directed at one’s family. It can help people resolve issues with their partner, children, parents, and siblings, helping to improve communication and promote understanding and forgiveness.
3. Internal family systems therapy (IFS): The family systems theory maintains that there are different parts of the self (just as there are different parts of a family). Some parts of the self may become affected by trauma. The goal of IFS is to give a person access to all parts of themselves so they are better able to manage emotions.
4. Psychodynamic therapy: This form of therapy can help the person better understand and address the root causes of their anger.
5. Sensorimotor psychotherapy: The sensorimotor approach to psychotherapy is body-oriented, which means it focuses on how trauma and emotions become stored in the body. This type of therapy uses movement to help heal trauma and release emotions such as anger.
6. Somatic experiencing (SE): Somatic experiencing also focuses on the body and mind connection. It is sometimes used to help people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) regulate emotions by using body awareness and by thinking about positive memories.
Explore Anger Management Resources
There are several support groups and anger management programs, both in-person and online, that can be helpful. Identify one that could be appropriate for the person and encourage them to join it.
There are also several books, videos, podcasts, and other resources designed to help people with anger issues. You can share them with the person and encourage them to explore them, to help them improve their communication skills.
Suggest a Health Checkup
It can also be helpful for the person to get a health checkup and SPECT brain scan, which can identify any potential organic reasons contributing to the anger management issues.
How to Deal With Someone Who Has Anger Issues
McInnis suggests some strategies that can help you deal with a person who has anger issues:
1. Stay calm and try not to lash out in response, even if it's difficult.
2. Give the person space to self-regulate while letting them know that you’re open to talk when you’ve both calmed down.
3. Set emotional and physical boundaries in order to look after your own well-being. Communicate your limits to them before and after heated conflicts, rather than attempting to do so when things are heated.
4. Avoid saying things like “You always ruin everything and you’re never going to change.” Stick to “I” statements instead. Try using the phrase, “I’m feeling ____ because ____.” For example, you can say “I felt sad and scared when you yelled at me.” Let them know that you care about them and be authentic about the impact of their anger on you and the relationship.
5. Follow up an "I" statement with how you'd like to feel instead and how you'd like to be treated. For instance, you can say "I want to feel ___ and I request ___."
6. Avoid making statements like “Why are you angry, it’s not a big deal,” or “Stop being so emotional/sensitive/dramatic.”
7. When you are listening to a loved one with anger management issues, remind yourself it’s not your responsibility to “fix it.” You do not need to change yourself in any way to try to avoid or stop their anger.
8. If the situation escalates, call a time-out and take some space from each other. It takes at least 20 minutes for the nervous system to regulate and calm down and for chemical levels associated with anger to return to normal levels.7 If you each take a time out, do so for at least 20 minutes, during which time you should try not to replay the incident in your mind. Try taking a walk if possible.
9. Prioritize your safety. Create a safety plan if needed, including who you can call and where you can go to leave a dangerous situation. If necessary, seek support for domestic violence. If your partner or family member lashes out in anger, this can constitute physical, emotional, verbal, and/or psychological abuse.
10. Leaving or ending a relationship is always an option if your loved one has trouble controlling their anger.
Sources:
The content herein is provided for general informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Medical information changes constantly, and therefore the content on this website should not be assumed to be current, complete or exhaustive. Always seek the advice of your doctor before starting or changing treatment. If you think you may have a medical emergency, please call your doctor or 9-1-1 (in the United States) immediately.