Preparing for Birth: First, Determine What Kind of Birth You Are Planning For.
Before we can plan for birth, we need to think about what kind of birth we are planning for.
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Some of us automatically imagine a calm, peaceful, gentle birth—maybe in a hospital, birthing center, or even at home. We assume that everything will go well and that there is no need to worry or plan for anything going wrong. We might even plan to have an unassisted delivery in the firm belief that birth does not need to be medicalized because we were “designed to do this.”
Others automatically imagine an excruciatingly painful birth that begins with water breaking during a high-stress event, followed by a pell-mell, high-stakes rush to the hospital, lots of interventions, screaming, and—if we are lucky—a beautiful, healthy baby at the other end. It is not your fault if that is what you expect; this is the quintessential Hollywood birth.
The reality of birth is usually somewhere in between. Although I have been a high-risk birth doula and have worked with some of the most challenging birth situations imaginable, I have also been present at a number of extremely calm, gentle, quiet home births, since midwife-assisted home births are legal in my community.
I have also experienced a couple of very quick mad dashes to the hospital, one of which almost resulted in a birth in my vehicle. But most of the births I have attended have existed somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. So before we can plan for birth, we need to make sure we are preparing for the birth we are likely to have, not just the birth we want or assume will happen.
One of the biggest challenges for birthing people during COVID has been the loss of support before, during, and after birth. Because hospital policies about supporting people are being made on a case-by-case basis and continue to change depending on regional COVID levels, many birthing people are finding that they can have their partner present, but not their doula or another support person. Some are even finding that they may have to give birth on their own.
This creates an added level of complexity as birth approaches and makes personal preparation even more important.
Tools to Use to Prepare for Birth
1. Identify How You Cope and What Makes You Feel Safe
To begin, we need to know ourselves a little better as birthing people. How do we generally cope when life gets tough? When we are in pain or feeling stress and tension, what usually helps us feel safe?
If you mentally “circle” your answers to how you cope and what makes you feel safe, you may notice a disconnect between the two—that the ways you cope do not always help you feel safe. One goal of a birth plan is to create a connection between what makes you feel safe and the coping strategies you want to use.
2. Clear Communication with Your Support Person or Support Team
One of the most important responsibilities for a birthing person is to communicate as clearly as possible ahead of time about what they think they will need. Many of us hope that our partners and support people can read our minds, but that is rarely the case.
We may also want to remind our support team of specific, helpful things they can do during labor and the pushing stage to help us cope with what is happening.
Support people usually do best when they have clear information. It allows them to show up knowing their role, understanding their importance, and feeling confident in their responsibilities during what is often a nerve-wracking day for them as well as for the birthing person.
If, for any reason, one or more of your support people are not able to join you at the birth, some families are finding that a phone or video call using speakerphone or headphones can still provide comfort to everyone involved. Their role and presence—even virtually—can still matter deeply in that moment, so try to create a birth plan that includes contingencies in case someone is sick or otherwise unable to attend.
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