Premarital Counselors Near Me

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FAQs:

What Is Premarital Counseling?

Premarital counseling is a form of couples therapy that can help you and your partner prepare for marriage. It is intended to help you and your partner discuss several important issues, ranging from finances to children so that you are both on the same page. It can also help identify potential conflict areas and equip you and your partner with tools to navigate them successfully. Premarital counseling aims to help you build a strong foundation for marriage.

Why is Pre-Marriage Counseling Done?

Once people understand what pre-marriage counseling is, they like to reap its benefits that can help them in the long term in their relationship. So, people engage in counseling before marriage because of the benefits of premarital counseling. This type of counseling can solidify a relationship before marriage so that two people have the skills to stay together through the ups and downs of life and cope with any issues that they encounter through the course of their marriage. Fortunately, research has supported the benefits of premarital counseling.

What is the Purpose of Premarital Counseling?

Premarital counseling can help couples enhance their premarital relationships. You will be encouraged to explore marriage-related themes such as:

- Finances

- Communication

- Attitudes, values, and beliefs

- Marriage roles

- Affection and sexual attraction

- Desire for children

- Relationships within families

- Making a decision Dealing with Anger

- How well do you know one another?

Premarital counseling assists partners in improving their communication skills, setting realistic expectations for marriage, and developing conflict-resolution skills. Furthermore, premarital counseling can help couples develop a favorable attitude toward receiving help in the future.

How Do I Ask My Partner For Premarital Counseling?

For some religious weddings, premarital counseling is a requirement. But if premarital counseling is optional for your religious denomination or you're not having a religious wedding, but you’d still like to go for it, be open and honest with your partner and approach the subject gently. Something like, “I want our marriage to start off on the right foot, and I’d love to work on our relationship together. I think premarital counseling would be a great way to spend some quality time together and help us learn some really valuable skills—could we give it a try?”

What is the Impact of Premarital Counseling?

Many studies have shown the effect of premarriage training on the couples’ relationship and decreasing the divorce rate. Also, it has been proven that couples who participate in premarriage counseling classes show more interpersonal skills and a higher relationship quality than those in the control group

When Should You Start Premarital Counseling?

When it comes to premarital counseling, you don’t want to feel rushed. We recommend starting premarital counseling no later than three months before your big day (if you’re doing Pre-Cana, you’ll likely start six months or longer before your wedding)—so you’ll want to figure out your plan pretty early on in your engagement.

How Long Does Premarital Counseling Last?

Depending on where you’re doing marriage counseling and with whom, the time commitment will vary, but it’s recommended that couples complete at least eight hours total. Some couples may do weekly hour-long sessions for a number of weeks. Others may do longer sessions over a shorter period of time, or a weekend-long premarital counseling course that usually amounts to eight to 12 hours. Again, talk to your officiant about your premarital counseling time requirements.

Is Premarital Counseling Worth It?

Although divorce rates are steadily declining, the rate is still at 40-50% for first marriages and around 60% for second marriages (Clyde et al., 2019). Even though divorce rates are decreasing, research shows that marital quality may also be on the decline (Hicks et al., 2004). Also, marital distress is associated with higher mental health problems (Hicks et al., 2004). When planning your wedding, the last idea you want to be thinking about is that your marriage could end in a divorce, or that you will have low relationship quality. The good news is that divorce is often preventable. Premarital counseling is associated with lower divorce rates, lower relationship conflict, and higher quality in your relationship (Carlson et al., 2012). If you are still on the fence about considering if you and your partner should start premarital therapy, let’s review the benefits.

How Much Does Premarital Counseling Cost?

Depending on where you live, a premarital counseling session can cost you anywhere from $100 to $300, but this varies quite a bit. National averages range from $125 to $175 for a 60-minute session, and many couples do at least five sessions. Some therapists are also covered by insurance, so if that's important to you, make sure to find a therapist in your network to offset some of the cost.

How to Find a Premarital Counselor?

You can find a premarital counselor through your friends, family, workplace, insurance provider, or religious institution. If you’re seeing a mental health practitioner for other reasons, they may be able to provide a recommendation as well. Local and state mental health agencies also often have resources you can turn to. You will have to schedule your counseling sessions at a time and place that both you and your partner can attend.

What Premarital Counseling Can Help With

Premarital counseling can help you and your partner prepare for married life together. Below are some aspects premarital counseling can help with.

1. Understanding your partner: Premarital counseling can help you develop a better understanding of your partner. In particular, it can help you understand your partner’s beliefs, values, expectations, motivations, priorities, and routines.

2. Setting realistic expectations: This form of counseling allows you to discuss all the important aspects of married life with your partner so that you both know what to expect. It also helps identify your strengths and weaknesses as individuals and as a couple.

3. Planning for the future: Much like you and your partner would meet with a wedding planner to plan your big day, seeing a premarital counselor can help you plan your marriage and your life together.

Importance of Pre-Marital Counseling

1. Premarital counseling helps to improve the communication between the partners and set realistic goals for marriage. It also helps to develop conflict-resolution skills. A positive attitude is established between the couples with the help of premarital counseling.

2. The primary step of premarital counseling is to prepare the would-be bride and groom to understand the significance of marriage. Such counseling helps them develop the mentality of changing themselves and adjusting to their partners in their spaces.

3. When the bride or groom is mentally prepared for the marriage, the next step is the selection of a suitable partner. Compatibility between the partners is assessed instead of assessing the individual merits. This is a difficult job because at this time each partner tries to hide their negative character and put their best in front. It is also difficult to predict the way partners will relate with each other whether in love or an arranged or an arranged-cum-love marriage. Inter-caste, inter-religious, or marriage with a foreigner are some critical situations that might cause a problem in the future if not paid attention to before marriage.

4. During counseling, each partner is asked separate questions to answer in written format to assess their perspectives about each other and their marital relationship. Various issues including gender equality, liberalization & opening up of society, women adopting equal responsibility as breadwinners, nuclear families, demanding lifestyles, an extremely cutthroat competitive world, and stresses & strains of day-to-day life are discussed during the session.

5. It is also important to rule out certain diseases including thalassemia, hemophilia, sickle-cell anemia, and certain strains of Hepatitis, HIV/AIDS, and others before marriage.

8 Reasons Why You Should Have Premarital Counseling

It’s important to not make getting married the goal, but the goal should be, to build a healthy, strong, lasting, and loving marriage. That’s why premarital counseling should be mandatory, and I consider it an early intervention, created to help you improve your relationship, learn effective ways to communicate, help you set realistic expectations, teaches you how to manage conflict effectively, gives you an opportunity to discuss and share your values and beliefs about important matters, such as finances, family, parenting, children, and your beliefs and values about marriage and what it takes to make a marriage last.  So, let’s look at 8 reasons why you should have premarital counseling:

- If you or your mate have a history of childhood abuse, the marriage will be impacted.

- If you or your mate have experienced domestic violence, the marriage will be impacted.

- If you or your mate have different views on what infidelity is, the marriage will be impacted.

- If you or your mate have unspoken expectations, the marriage will be impacted.

- If you or your mate automatically assume you know what each other needs are, the marriage will be impacted.

- If you or your mate have unresolved conflicts or resentment with your extended families or with each other, the marriage will be impacted.

- If you or your mate struggle with expressing your frustrations and anger, the marriage will be impacted.

- If you or your mate struggle with communicating and shutting down is your way of communicating, the marriage will be impacted.

Goals of Premarital Counseling

Premarital counseling is an excellent way to start your marital journey. This will give you a range of fundamental skills that you can use to communicate, resolve conflicts, and create a balance in your relationship. In this guide, we will go over some common goals of pre-marriage counseling so you know what to expect from the process.

Communicate Effectively

One of the most difficult challenges and any relationship is learning how to communicate with one another. Each of you processes information in a unique way. It’s important to understand how your partner interprets and expresses emotions, and your partner should know the same about you. Your premarital counselor can help you pinpoint the natural ways you communicate and teach you how to adapt those instincts to match your partner.

Bring Closure to the Past

You don’t want to bring past problems into this new chapter of your relationship.  If there are arguments that persistently happened now, you can assume they will only get worse when you get married. Bringing closure to those arguments and the experiences associated with them will help you move forward with a clean slate. 

Learn How to Prepare for Future Discussions

There are discussions and potential disagreements that will arise in your marriage, just like they do with every other marriage. You do not have to tackle these difficult obstacles alone. Your marriage counselor will help you navigate the tough talks said you can come out on the other end successfully. Your counselor will give you advice that is specific to your lifestyle.

Talk about Issues You May Be Avoiding

There are probably some discussions that you have put off because you just don’t want to face them. Example: talking about your debts and income. As difficult as it is to confront those issues, you should do that as part of your pre-marriage counseling. Your counselor can guide you through the discussions and the emotions that may arise from them. In the end, you will have a stronger relationship because you have sound solutions for your struggles, and you will be better prepared for a future together.

Types of Premarital Counseling

When searching for the right premarital counselor for your relationship, it’s essential to check their professional background. At a minimum, they should hold an up-to-date marriage and family therapy license, and their education should be from an accredited university.

You will likely find therapists use a combination of premarital counseling methods, like the following:

1. THE GOTTMAN METHOD

Why wait to make your relationship strong? That’s the question behind The Gottman Method regarding premarital counseling. They theorize that all the small decisions you make in your relationship can strengthen or weaken it. Therefore, improving your decision-making skills before your wedding gives you a stronger foundation.

Areas of focus include problem-solving, admiration, connection, communication, and building love maps that help you get to know your spouse better.

2. EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED THERAPY (EFT)

Bonding and strengthening your bond throughout your marriage makes you a team rather than two individuals living together without becoming codependent. Addiction, long-term illness, infidelity (financial or romantic), and traumatic experiences can leave you feeling insecure, confused, and alone.

Emotionally focused therapy teaches you de-escalation, restructuring, and consolidation. These skills help you regulate emotions, improve bonds, and empathize with your partner’s needs.

3. SOLUTION-FOCUSED THERAPY (SFT)

If you and your future spouse are still dwelling on an issue and can’t seem to resolve it, solution-focused therapy can help. It can also help you reach short-term goals by overcoming problems preventing you from moving forward. SFT can help in making important decisions, like which in-laws should be invited to the wedding, to more serious marital issues like finding the right amount of intimacy to satisfy you and your partner.

4. IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY (IRT)

Commitment issues, lack of trust, intimacy problems, and codependency are a few examples of relationship issues likely caused by childhood experiences. The traumas and adverse events you survive growing up can impact your mental health and your relationships with others. Imago Relationship Therapy helps you get to the root problems and work through them to avoid affecting your marriage.

5. PSYCHODYNAMIC PREMARITAL COUPLE’S THERAPY

Psychodynamic therapy is based on the theory that all behaviors have an underlying cause. There is a reason you think, feel, and do the things you do or don’t do. Figuring out the underlying cause helps you recognize unhealthy thoughts and behavior patterns so you can make changes.

6. BEHAVIORAL COUPLES THERAPY (BCT)

You teach people how to treat you. People teach you how to treat them. You’ve likely heard these statements before, and both are very true. If you set healthy boundaries, you teach others they cannot disrespect or abuse you. There are many ways to reinforce positive behaviors you can learn in Behavioral couples therapy.

All couples have issues, some individual and some together. An example is if one or both of you have a substance use disorder. Because recovery from addiction means substituting unhealthy behaviors for healthy ones, BCT is an effective method.

7. DISCERNMENT COUNSELING

Not all couples planning to get married are convinced getting married is the right thing to do. Sometimes one person is excited and eager to marry while their partner is hesitant and ready to call the whole thing off.

Discernment counseling will explore the reasons for uncertainty about the relationship. A therapist will also help you examine all options before deciding to end the relationship or move forward. Answers don’t always have to be all or nothing.

Benefits of Premarital Counseling 

Premarital counseling is designed to equip you and your partner with tools to navigate married life together. These are some of the benefits this therapy can offer:

1. Learn constructive communication: A core aspect of premarital counseling is communication, as “partners learn to convey their positions clearly without attacking or arming the other,”.

2. Develop conflict resolution skills: Premarital counseling also teaches you and your partner problem-solving and conflict-resolution skills. “Initially, communication often leads to conflict, but with time, couples can have more constructive discussions,”.

3. Focus on the positive aspects: Premarital counseling can help you and your partner focus on the positive aspects of your relationship rather than the negative. 

4. Eliminate dysfunctional behavior: Premarital counseling can identify unhealthy behaviors and patterns in a relationship and help you correct them. 

5. Build decision-making processes: Premarital counseling can help you and your partner develop healthy and equitable decision-making processes.

6. Alleviate fears related to marriage: If you or your partner are anxious about what married life will entail, premarital counseling can help you discuss important issues and give you some clarity.

Topics to Discuss During Premarital Counseling

Many newly engaged couples are taking charge of their upcoming marriage by seeking couples therapy to strengthen their relationship. The best premarital counseling topics to discuss are the ones that will make couples feel prepared, that open the lines of communication, and that talk about potential problems couples may encounter in the future. These are the 10 best premarital counseling topics to discuss in therapy to ensure you have a happy and healthy marriage.

1. Money

Discussing these topics may be awkward at first, but it is important, to be honest about your financial situation before getting merging your monies and assets together. Remember to address marriage finances, before you walk down the aisle, as it is one of the best pre-marital counseling questions to discuss with your partner. 

2. Children, pets, and family planning

Are you on the same page about starting a family or owning pets? Surprisingly, many couples have not discussed family planning before getting married. Topics to consider include if and when you decide to start a family, how many children you would like to have, appropriate and inappropriate parenting techniques, financial planning, and more. Having children can be difficult for the health of the marriage if both partners aren’t prepared. A premarital counselor can help you discuss your differences involving the desire to have children, how to raise them, and how to keep your romantic life healthy while parenting.

3. Conflict resolution

Communication is important in order for a marriage to stay strong and united. Conflict resolution is a huge part of the communication process. During therapy, your counselor will teach you how to solve conflicts, stress the importance of listening and empathizing with your mate, and delve deeper into why you and your spouse react to situations in the way that you do. Marriage communication is an important takeaway and one of the best pre-marital counseling questions to help couples feel prepared to get married.

4. The uncomfortable topic of infidelity

No relationship is perfect and there are always bumps and surprises along the way. One of the best premarital counseling topics to discuss with your counselor is what your plan of attack is should a betrayal arise in your marriage. Some things to consider should infidelity occur are whether you both agree that emotional affairs are equal to sexual infidelity, what steps you will take in being honest with one another about your sexual desires and emotional needs if they are not being met in the marriage, as well as how you will talk to your partner if you begin to feel attracted to someone else.

5. Staying united

If you are both working, are planning to start a family, or have hobbies or family obligations that take up a lot of your time, you will want to discuss how to stay united after marriage. Your counselor may stress the importance of weekly date nights. This is one night a week where you reinforce the importance of your relationship. Date nights should be fun, promote sexual intimacy, and support communication.

6. Discussing deal breakers

Flirting, poor money management, viewing pornography, excess time spent out of town or away from each other, and other such issues may be a deal breaker for you or your spouse. It is important to discuss deal breakers before getting married so that both of you understand your spouse’s expectations of the marriage.

7. Importance of religion and values

One thing you may want to discuss during premarital counseling is the topic of religion. If one partner has strong religious or spiritual beliefs and the other does not, suggestions may be made on how religion will play a part in the marriage and the upbringing of children.

8. Overcoming past issues

One of the best premarital counseling topics that will be discussed is how your past experiences will affect your marriage. Past experiences and environments will be discussed during premarital counseling to see what sort of impression they have left and how it will impact your relationship. 

9. Future goals

Getting married is not the end of your journey together, it is the beginning. After the initial newlywed glow wears off, many couples have trouble settling into married life after having so much wedding excitement building up to the big day. This reality check can cause couples to feel like they have failed at keeping the romance burning in their marriage.

10. Sexual preference, frequency, and communication 

Physical intimacy is a major aspect of a marital relationship. Maybe that is why time and again it can be very difficult for couples to express their true sexual desires to their partner. The fear of being judged for your sexual preferences can be very embarrassing and can leave a marriage broken and distraught. That is why it is necessary that you engage in healthy communication about your sexual preferences through premarital counseling.

A counselor will ensure that you guys are mentally prepared to have that conversation and keep a check on any judgments that might develop during your sessions. Moreover, through premarital counseling, you would also be able to learn some tools to ensure that you can maintain an open and honest line of communication about your sexual preferences even after you get married.

What To Expect From Premarital Counseling

At the beginning of a premarital counseling program, you and your partner are likely to complete questionnaires about your background and your likes/dislikes in the relationship. This information will be used to allow your counselor to complete a thorough assessment of each of you and your relationship, so you can work together to create goals. You might decide upon mutual goals or areas of weakness you’d both like to address and work toward improving those areas to strengthen the relationship and set the marriage off on the right foot. You might also receive education and skills training in areas of communication, social skills, and marital expectations. For instance, many people go into marriage with expectations regarding what their partner will do, but the marriage ends up going sour when their partner fails to meet these expectations. Oftentimes, the expectations might be unrealistic, but in counseling, partners can learn how to set realistic expectations, as well as how to communicate their expectations to each other to avoid future conflict.

Choosing a Premarital Counselor

More and more of today’s engaged couples are seeing the benefits of saying, “I do,” to premarital counseling and education. In fact, research shows that couples that seek out premarital education enjoy a 30% lower chance of divorce than couples who do not. But before heading out the door to your first appointment, you need to consider the importance of whom you choose to counsel you.

Couples that seek out premarital education enjoy a 30% lower chance of divorce than couples who do not. Here are eight steps to help you choose the right counselor for you:

1. Clarify your expectations.

Think about and clarify your expectations. Talk with your fiancé about what each of you would like to accomplish through your premarital education and what you hope the experience will be like. 

2. Choose a counselor that shares your faith.

This will greatly impact the advice and guidance they provide. You want someone who not only respects your faith but also really “gets it” when it comes to applying it to real-life situations.

3. Look for a counselor with professional training.

Check out the educational backgrounds of the premarital counselors you are considering. Look for someone that has professional training as an MFT (Marriage and Family Therapist) or certification as a premarital counselor. Many therapists and counselors specialize in premarital counseling.  They will be knowledgeable in the latest marital research, important topics to cover, inappropriate assessments to administer, and the questions to ask during your counseling time together.

4. Look for a counselor with experience.

A counselor that has worked with numerous couples will have a stronger background of history and experience from which to draw than someone that has only worked with one or two couples.

5. Ask for recommendations.

Look online for local resources. Ask your friends, relatives, or your pastor whom they would recommend. 

6. Check office hours and locations.

Select a premarital counselor with convenient office hours and locations. This will be important as you and your fiancé try to fit regular counseling sessions into your schedules.

7. Ask about the counseling process.

The premarital counselor should explain his or her typical plan. Ask for an explanation of how the counseling works. You will want to know how often you will see the counselor, how long the sessions will last, and what to expect when you are there. Some counselors will do an initial assessment and then work toward goals. Others will have a certain set of topics they feel must be covered and then will ask about additional topics you as a couple would like to address. Others dive right into current weaknesses and issues you are having as a couple. Make sure you are both comfortable with the expectations and direction of the counseling.

8. Ask for the counselor's fee.

Ask the counselor how much they charge for each session if insurance is accepted, and how they expect to be paid.  Be realistic about your budget and address any limitations. Usually, new counselors, counselors working towards their graduate or post-graduate degrees, or certified counselors will charge less than those who have been practicing for a long time.  Some counselors associated with a church often times provide their services for free or at a reduced rate.

Choosing the right premarital counselor can make or break your premarital experience, as well as have an incredible impact on your future marriage. If you remember these tips when seeking out counseling, you’ll be on your way to seeing the true benefits of saying, “I do.”

Sources:

Very Well Mind

Marriage

Brides

ARMC

Wedding Wire

OakPsych

Apollo Cradle

Goodings Grove Psych

CHHS

CMR

Chris Massman

Briefland

 

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