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Kristen Soltis-Tyler MD, MPH, DipABLM, MA HWC, RYT-500, RCYT is a board-certified Family Medicine and Lifestyle Medicine physician and a Health and Wellness Coach. She recently retired from the Air Force after over 20 years of military service. Life experiences led her to discover her passion for…
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FAQs:
What is a Self-Esteem Coach?
A self-esteem coach is a person who possesses the knowledge and tools to help people improve their perception of their abilities and worth. A good coaching expert pays the utmost respect to the clients’ feelings. Simultaneously, he guides clients on how to eliminate blocks and regain their sense of self-worth. Often, childhood trauma, and various unprocessed emotions we accumulate over time, affect us.The resulting limiting beliefs are at the very core of the issues we face as adults. Coaches provide ongoing support. They assist a client in breaking free from limiting beliefs.
What Does a Self Esteem Coach Do?
The coaching process begins with uncovering the causes of poor self-esteem. Next, your coach will apply various science-proven methods to help you learn how to overcome your blocks.
Some of these methods include but are not limited to:
- Journaling,
- Affirmations,
- Visualizations,
- Positive self-talk practices,
- Hypnotherapy.
The ultimate goal is to help clients feel and see beyond the mental traps, and to take the needed action.
What is Low Self-Esteem?
Low self-esteem is when someone lacks confidence about who they are and what they can do. They often feel incompetent, unloved, or inadequate. People who struggle with low self-esteem are consistently afraid about making mistakes or letting other people down.
What are the Effects of Low Self-Esteem?
If you have low self-esteem you may have difficulty with relationships and problems at work or school. You may become very upset by criticism or disapproval and withdraw from activities and people. You may avoid doing anything where you may be judged or measured against other people.
Some people with low self-esteem stop looking after their appearance; others may over-compensate by always being perfectly groomed.
You could also have problems with your body image, drink too much alcohol or take drugs and you might not stand up for yourself when you are bullied or abused.
Teenagers with low self-esteem may use alcohol or drugs to feel better or to fit in, may have poor body image, and may have sexual activity earlier than their peers.
Why is Self-Esteem Important?
To understand the influence that self-esteem might have on people’s work, schooling, relationships and health outcomes, the researchers reviewed the findings of hundreds of longitudinal studies that answered questions about long-term consequences, such as: Do teenagers with high self-esteem tend to be more successful in their careers? Their findings show that people with high self-esteem generally have more success at school and work, better social relationships, improved mental and physical health, and less anti-social behavior. And, these benefits persist from adolescence to adulthood and into old age.
How Can Coaching Help You Build Self-Esteem?
Building up your self-esteem involves unlearning habits of behaviour and thinking you’ve picked up from past experiences. It can feel difficult, especially at first, to challenge your inner critic and treat yourself with compassion. If you find you are struggling with this, you may benefit from speaking to a professional.
The role of a coach who works in this area is to help you uncover what’s blocking you from building self-esteem. Questioning techniques and possibly NLP techniques used by coaches can help you identify limiting beliefs and change them. They can support your self-acceptance journey, offering tools and techniques to help you.
A self-esteem coach can also help you understand who you really are and what you want from life, underneath your existing negative thought patterns. As your self-esteem rises they can help you take the action needed to make your goals a reality.
What Effect Can Low Self-Esteem Have on Your Health?
Having bad feelings about yourself can lead to an increase in anxiety and depression. This can cause self-isolation and poor quality of life. It may also increase the risk of self-harming behaviors such as cutting, substance misuse, and suicide.
A 2019 study on secondary students in Vietnam found an association between low self-esteem and anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. Educational stress and emotional abuse by parents or other adults were risk factors for these feelings.
Low self-esteem has also been linked to disordered eating, according to 2021 research.
Is Low Self-Esteem the Same as Lack of Confidence?
Self-esteem and self-confidence are connected, but they’re not exactly the same thing. To have confidence in yourself, you need to have at least some level of self-esteem.
If you have high self-esteem, you value yourself, even if you make mistakes or can’t do something specific.
Self-confidence depends on the circumstances at hand. You may, for example, have lots of self-confidence in your ability to address an audience but none in your ability to build a house.
A self-confident person is one who is willing to try new things (within reason). A person with high self-esteem knows they still have value, even if they fail when they try those new things.
Is Low Self-Esteem a Diagnosable Disorder?
Low self-esteem is not itself a diagnosable psychiatric disorder. It may be accompanied by disorders such as anxiety and depression, however. Moreover, a person does not need to have a diagnosable disorder to experience problems in their lives that could be helped by seeing a professional. A therapist can help clients with low self-esteem build the skills they need to become a happier and better version of themselves.
Who Can Benefit from Confidence Coaching?
We all need a pep talk at some point in our lives. For this reason, most people could benefit from self-confidence coaching services. Still, some are more likely to access this service than others. If you choose to work in this niche, here are some clients who might come to you for help:
- Entrepreneurs who waver when the time comes to make a tough decision
- People starting or ending relationships who need to have difficult conversations with their partners, friends, or family members
- Employees who lack the confidence to take on more responsibility at work
- CEOs looking to take their business in a new direction
- People struggling with their self-image who want to see themselves in a more positive light
How Much Does a Self Esteem Coach Cost?
Every self-esteem coach has their own level of fees and this can vary greatly from one coach to another. Just because someone charges more than another person, does not mean that they are a better coach. The lowest is $50 per hour and the highest is $500 per hour. The average rate is around $75 - $200 per hour. There are packages around $300 monthly for four 30 mins sessions.
What is Self-Esteem Coaching?
This type of coaching is a subset of life coaching. Similarly to confidence coaching, it is mostly centered around talk-based therapy. A coaching expert knows how to communicate with clients by asking the right questions. And then use the gathered information to reveal mental blocks. This type of coaching does not provide quick fixes. Many different feelings may arise during the coaching process. Some of these are not the most pleasurable ones. Clients often feel like falling down the rabbit hole of their deeply embedded fears, blocks, and trauma. However, powerful insights and massive shifts in one’s self-belief follow up.
Ranges of Self-Esteem
It is natural to feel better about yourself some days more than others, but you want to keep your overall self-esteem in a healthy range. Here is what the different ranges look like:
1. Overly high self-esteem: Feeling superior to others. People with overly high self-esteem are often arrogant, self-indulgent, and express feelings of entitlement. They tend to overlook their own flaws and criticize others.
2. Low self-esteem: Feeling inferior to others. People with low self-esteem value the opinions of others above their own. It is sometimes difficult for them to accept compliments, as they tend to focus on their perceived weaknesses rather than their assets. They are often afraid of failure and believe everyone else is better than they are.
2. Healthy self-esteem: Having an accurate and balanced self-view. People with healthy self-esteem recognize and accept their abilities and their flaws, their strengths and their weaknesses. They hold realistic expectations for themselves and others.
Signs of Low Self-Esteem
Signs of low self-esteem include:
- saying negative things and being critical about yourself
- joking about yourself in a negative way
- focusing on your negatives and ignoring your achievements
- blaming yourself when things go wrong
- thinking other people are better than you
- thinking you don’t deserve to have fun
- not accepting compliments
- avoiding challenges for fear of failing
- being overly upset by disapproval or criticism
- feeling sad, depressed, anxious, ashamed, angry or worthless
Causes of Low Self-Esteem
Some of the many causes of low self-esteem may include:
1. Unhappy childhood where parents (or other significant people such as teachers) were extremely critical
2. Poor academic performance in school resulting in a lack of confidence
3. Ongoing stressful life event such as relationship breakdown or financial trouble
4. Poor treatment from a partner, parent or carer, for example, being in an abusive relationship
5. Ongoing medical problem such as chronic pain, serious illness or physical disability
6. Mental illness such as an anxiety disorder or depression.
Consequences of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem can have devastating consequences. It can:
1. create anxiety, stress, loneliness, and increased likelihood of depression
2. cause problems with friendships and romantic relationships
3. seriously impair academic and job performance
4. lead to increased vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse
5. Worst of all, these negative consequences themselves reinforce the negative self-image and can take a person into a downward spiral of lower and lower self-esteem and increasingly unproductive or even actively self-destructive behavior.
Benefits of Self-Esteem Coaching
The benefits of both self-esteem and confidence coaching include but are not limited to:
- Identifying inner thought patterns,
- Recognizing and eliminating destructive behaviors,
- Leveraging your strengths,
- Gaining confidence in your abilities,
- Holding realistic expectations,
- Nurturing healthy relationships,
- Improving mental, physical, and emotional health and wealth.
Tips on How to Build Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is strongly related to how you view and react to the things that happen in your life. Suggestions for building self-esteem include:
1. Talk to yourself positively – treat yourself as you would your best friend. Be supportive, kind and understanding. Don’t be hard on yourself when you make a mistake.
2. Challenge negative ‘self-talk’ – every time you criticise yourself, stop and look for objective evidence that the criticism is true. (If you feel you can’t be objective, then ask a trusted friend for their opinion.) You’ll realise that most of your negative self-talk is unfounded.
3. Don’t compare yourself to others – recognise that everyone is different and that every human life has value in its own right. Make an effort to accept yourself, warts and all.
4. Acknowledge the positive – for example, don’t brush off compliments, dismiss your achievements as ‘dumb luck’ or ignore your positive traits.
5. Appreciate your special qualities – remind yourself of your good points every day. Write a list and refer to it often. (If you feel you can’t think of anything good about yourself, ask a trusted friend to help you write the list.)
6. Forget the past – concentrate on living in the here-and-now rather than reliving old hurts and disappointments.
7. Tell yourself a positive message everyday – buy a set of ‘inspirational cards’ and start each day reading out a new card and carrying the card’s message with you all day.
8. Stop worrying – ‘worry’ is simply fretting about the future. Accept that you can’t see or change the future and try to keep your thoughts in the here-and-now.
9. Have fun – schedule enjoyable events and activities into every week.
10. Exercise – it is such a good boost to the brain for all kinds of things but especially in combatting depression and helping you to feel good. Targets need to be step by step, such as starting with a walk round the block once a day, enrolling at a local gym class or going for a swim.
11. Be assertive – communicate your needs, wants, feelings, beliefs and opinions to others in a direct and honest manner.
12. Practise the above suggestions every day – it takes effort and vigilance to replace unhelpful thoughts and behaviours with healthier versions. Give yourself time to establish the new habits. Keep a diary or journal to chart your progress.
How to Find a Coach to Build Confidence
Confidence is a key factor in achieving your personal and professional goals. However, not everyone feels confident enough to pursue their dreams, overcome challenges, or communicate effectively. If you struggle with low self-esteem, self-doubt, or anxiety, you might benefit from working with a coach who can help you build your confidence and unlock your potential. But how can you find a coach who suits your needs, budget, and preferences? Here are some tips to guide you in your search.
1. Identify your goals
Before you look for a coach, you need to have a clear idea of what you want to achieve and why. What are the specific areas of your life or work that you want to improve? What are the obstacles or fears that hold you back? What are the outcomes or results that you expect from coaching? Having a clear vision of your goals will help you narrow down your options and choose a coach who can support you in reaching them.
2. Do your research
Once you have defined your goals, you can start looking for a coach who matches your criteria. You can use various sources to find potential coaches, such as online directories, platforms, reviews, referrals, or social media. However, don't rely on the first impression or the marketing hype. Do your homework and check the credentials, experience, testimonials, and style of the coaches you are interested in. Look for a coach who has relevant qualifications, expertise, and success stories in the field of confidence building.
3. Ask for a consultation
Before you commit to a coaching program, you should ask for a consultation or a trial session with the coach you are considering. This will give you a chance to get to know the coach better, ask questions, and see if you have a good rapport and trust. A consultation will also help you understand the coach's approach, methods, tools, and expectations. You should feel comfortable, respected, and motivated by the coach, and not pressured, judged, or manipulated.
4. Compare the options
After you have consulted with a few coaches, you should compare the options and decide which one is the best fit for you. You should consider factors such as the cost, duration, frequency, format, and availability of the coaching sessions, as well as the coach's personality, communication, and feedback. You should also evaluate how confident you feel about working with each coach and how confident they make you feel about yourself. Choose the coach who offers the most value, support, and results for your confidence building journey.
5. Set the expectations
Once you have chosen a coach, you should set the expectations and agree on the terms of the coaching relationship. You should discuss and sign a contract that outlines the goals, roles, responsibilities, boundaries, and rules of the coaching process. You should also clarify the payment, cancellation, and refund policies, as well as the confidentiality and privacy issues. Setting the expectations will help you avoid misunderstandings, conflicts, or disappointments later on.
6. Commit to the process
Finally, you should commit to the coaching process and follow through with your actions. A coach can help you build your confidence, but you have to do the work and take responsibility for your progress. You should show up for the sessions, be honest and open, follow the coach's guidance, and implement the strategies and exercises that the coach suggests. You should also track your achievements, celebrate your wins, and ask for feedback and support along the way. Committing to the process will help you make the most of your coaching experience and boost your confidence to the next level.
Sources:
The content herein is provided for general informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Medical information changes constantly, and therefore the content on this website should not be assumed to be current, complete or exhaustive. Always seek the advice of your doctor before starting or changing treatment. If you think you may have a medical emergency, please call your doctor or 9-1-1 (in the United States) immediately.
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