Couples Therapists Near Me

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FAQs:

What Is Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy that can help you and your partner improve your relationship. If you are having relationship difficulties, you can seek couples therapy to help rebuild your relationship. Couples therapy can address a wide range of relationship issues, including recurring conflicts, feelings of disconnection, an affair, issues related to sex, or difficulties due to external stressors. Couples therapy can help you at any stage of your relationship, regardless of marital status, age, race, faith, or sexual orientation. Some forms of this therapy include marriage counseling, premarital counseling, and family therapy. It is typically a short-term form of therapy.

What Should I Do if My Partner Refuses to Go to Couples Therapy?

There are many possible reasons a person is reluctant to start couples work. Sometimes the conversation about therapy becomes part of the fight. Sometimes the partner is afraid of being blamed. Sometimes, there is a fear of stigma if someone else finds out. And sometimes a partner has already given up on the relationship. Generally, pressing the issue with a resistant partner only makes it less likely they will participate.

Instead, make an appointment with the couples therapist and go. The therapist may help you find more effective ways to talk with your partner about the importance and possibilities of couples' work. You may also learn how you, however inadvertently, have been contributing to the problems in your relationship. If your partner sees you making new efforts, he or she may feel friendlier about starting to do some couples work with you.

Does Couples Therapy Work?

It depends on both the expertise of the therapist and the willingness of the couple to work on their relationship and make changes. According to the AAMFT (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy), most couples who seriously engage in treatment do report increased satisfaction with their relationship and recommitment to their partner. Even when couples separate or divorce, they often report that counseling helped them do so with less animosity and more lessons learned.

How Long Should Couples Therapy Last?

It can take some couples years of therapy to work through issues, while others need just a few months. The length of time depends on the severity of the problem, plus the amount of effort a couple is willing to put in. Some couples therapists also offer single sessions for couples who just want support through one specific conversation.

Some couples only need a few sessions to resolve a clear and particular issue, and others appreciate continued maintenance or need regular support. It usually takes at least a few sessions for couples to get comfortable working in this way, and a therapist needs time to experience and understand a couple's interpersonal dynamics.

Generally speaking, there's a difference between learning how to move on past a major betrayal versus learning how to set aside more time to enjoy ourselves together. But that therapy is all about building new habits, which can take more time for some people than others. It involves practicing skills from couples therapy at home.

What is the Difference Between Couples Counseling and Couples Therapy?

“Counseling” and “therapy” are terms that are sometimes used interchangeably, but there are differences in meaning between the two.

Therapy (also known as psychotherapy or talk therapy) is used to treat mental health conditions or patterns of behavior, thoughts, or emotions that are dysfunctional. In couples therapy, the process may address a condition such as anxiety or depression of one or both partners and how that condition impacts the relationship. Couples counseling, on the other hand, is generally more focused on relationship challenges like balances of responsibilities and future expectations.

Couples counseling tends to be short-term, while therapy can be longer-term. Counseling is generally focused more on the present and making adjustments to overcome current problems while looking into the future, and therapy may explore more of the past to make adjustments to benefit the present and future.

Should Couples See the Same Therapist?

Well, first of all, two partners cannot go to different therapists, because there should be only one psychotherapeutic method applied to both. Most people think that every therapist cures their patients in the same way. But, in reality, there is no unique formula to make one’s relationships stronger.

Some specialists prefer cognitive behavioral therapy, and others may like transactional analysis therapy. There are many different ways to help couples, but the main rule is that both partners should undergo the same curing method.

A husband and wife should attend the same therapist to make the same progress together and to be cured in the same way. Usually, if only one partner undergoes therapy, it will be good only for them as an individual. But for the relationship, it won’t be as effective as when both a husband and a wife see a therapist.

How Do You Prepare for a Therapist?

You may know how to prepare to see a doctor for a new physical ailment, but how should you prepare for your first therapy appointment?

Although prepping for your first appointment with a therapist is a good idea, it’s not something people frequently do. “There is oftentimes a mysterious element around therapy and especially about what to expect during the first session,” says licensed clinical psychologist Annie M. Varvaryan of Couch Conversations Psychotherapy and Counseling in Los Angeles.

However, therapists want to remove some of that mystery so you’re well-equipped for your first session. There are a few steps you can take in advance of your first therapy appointment to get prepared:

Write down what’s bringing you to therapy. If you like to journal, you can write it down there – but it’s also OK just to use a notes app on your phone. Add new observations as they come to you. Review what you wrote down before your first appointment.

Have some goals in mind. This may be hard to do if you’re new to therapy and you’re not sure what to expect. Still, you can start by considering how your mental health concerns affect certain areas of your life and what types of changes may be helpful to improve those areas.

Prepare a list of all medications you use, including over-the-counter drugs and natural supplements. This information is valuable to a therapist in case the medication has any effect on your changing mental health. Make sure to write down the dosage you use for each medication. Better yet, bring the medication bottles of any prescription drugs, OTC drugs, or herbal supplements with you to your first session if you can.

Be prepared to do some paperwork. The therapist may have you do this at home before arriving for the appointment or by showing up a few minutes early to fill out the information.

Try to keep an open mind. You’ve likely seen portrayals of therapy on TV shows or in the movies, but your actual therapy may be very different. Commend yourself on taking the brave step to set up a therapy session, and keep an open mind about what will happen during therapy.

What Questions Does a Therapist Ask a Couple?

Every therapist is different, as are the approaches they may use. These are some common questions therapists may ask at your first appointment:

1. What brings you here today?

2. Have you ever seen a counselor/therapist/psychologist before?

3. What do you see as being the biggest problem?

4. How does this problem make you feel?

5. What makes the problem better?

6. What positive changes would you like to see happen in your life?

7. In general, how would you describe your mood?

8. What do you expect from the counseling process?

9. What would it take for you to feel happier or more at peace?

How Much Does Couples Therapy Cost?

Couples therapy is expensive—prohibitively, for many. You can expect to pay between $120 and $160 per hour for a master’s level therapist (a social worker, registered psychotherapist, or clinical counselor) and more than $200 for a registered psychologist. Workplace benefits sometimes cover the cost, but often for a limited number of sessions. Some therapists offer a sliding scale based on your income, and university training programs are a good place to find lower-cost options. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to find a couples therapist who is covered by a provincial healthcare plan.

Does Insurance Cover Couples Therapy?

Seeking couples counseling is a great, proactive step towards resolving all kinds of relationship problems or even exploring your attachment styles. Unfortunately, health insurance doesn’t typically cover couples or marriage counseling, because “relationship issues” in itself is not a mental health diagnosis (which is a requirement for health insurance to pay for therapy). But don't let that stop you from getting relationship guidance or from developing a stronger, healthier relationship with your partner or partners! There are creative ways to use your insurance benefits to cover the cost of couples counseling so that you can benefit from this excellent service.

How to Get Started with Couples Therapy

If you feel your relationship would benefit from couples therapy, discuss it with your partner and see if they’re open to it. If they’re resistant to it, explain why it’s important to you and how you think it might help your relationship.

The next step is to find a practitioner. Couples therapy is often provided by licensed therapists known as marriage and family therapists; however, other psychologists and psychiatrists may offer it as well. Friends or family might be able to suggest someone you can go to, or if you’re seeing a therapist for other reasons, they may be able to refer you to a specialist.

Check with your partner about what days and times work for them. Try to find a therapist who is conveniently located, if you and your partner prefer in-person sessions. Make sure the therapist takes your insurance plan. 

When you start therapy, you and your partner will probably have to fill out forms detailing your medical history and insurance information. You may also have to fill out questionnaires to help your therapist better understand your relationship, the issues you’re facing, and what you hope to gain from therapy.

Your therapist will work with you and your partner to outline the goals for therapy. While couples therapy typically involves joint sessions, your therapist may also do individual sessions with you or your partner. They may also assign homework.

Types of Couples Therapy

There are different types of couples therapy, which can include:

1. Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): EFT focuses on improving the attachment and bonding between you and your partner. The therapist helps you understand and change patterns that lead to feelings of disconnection.

2. Gottman method: This method involves addressing areas of conflict and equipping you and your partner with problem-solving skills. It aims to improve the quality of friendship and the level of intimacy between you and your partner. 

3. Ellen Wachtel’s approach: This is a strength-based approach that involves focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship. It focuses on self-reflection rather than blame.

4. Psychodynamic couple’s therapy: Psychodynamic therapy explores the underlying hopes and fears that motivate you and your partner, to help you understand each other better.

5. Behavioral therapy: Also known as behavioral couples therapy (BCT), this form of therapy involves shaping behavior by reinforcing positive behaviors that promote stability and satisfaction while discouraging behaviors that foster negativity.

6. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): Also referred to as cognitive behavioral couples therapy (CBCT), this form of therapy involves identifying and changing thought patterns that negatively influence behavior.

What Couples Therapy Can Help With

Couples therapy can allow you and your partner to discuss and resolve issues related to several aspects of your relationship, which can include:

1. Roles in the relationship: Couples therapy can help you examine the roles you and your partner play in the relationship and identify unhealthy dynamics. It can also help address differences in expectations.

2. Beliefs and values: Couples therapy can help you and your partner discuss your beliefs, values, and religious sentiments and the implications of these aspects on your daily lives.

3. Finances: Finances can be a major source of conflict in relationships. Couples therapy can help promote open dialogue and transparency around income and spending habits.

4. Time spent together: You and your partner can address issues that have been sabotaging your time together. You can discuss activities that you enjoy doing together and how to make time spent together more enjoyable.

5. Children: If you and your partner are not on the same page about whether or not you want to have children or how you would like to raise them, couples therapy can help you communicate these concerns. It can also help with stressors like difficulty conceiving or adopting children.

6. Familial relationships: Couples therapy can help you and your partner work out issues stemming from conflicts with other family members, like parents, children, and siblings.

7. Sex and intimacy: If you and your partner are having issues related to sex and intimacy, or infidelity, couples therapy can offer a safe space for you to share your feelings and needs.

8. Health issues: Physical or mental health illnesses can be hard on you and your partner. Couples therapy can help you deal with the stress it puts on your relationship.

9. External stressors: Therapy can also help you and your partner deal with conflicts caused by external factors, like work for instance, that can put stress on your relationship.

Benefits of Couples Therapy

These are some of the benefits couples therapy can offer:

1. Understand each other better: Couples therapy can help you understand yourself and your partner better. It can help both of you express your feelings, hopes, fears, priorities, values, and beliefs.

2. Identify relationship issues: Your therapist can help you and your partner identify issues that are leading to recurring conflicts, lack of trust, and feelings of disconnection.

3. Improve communication skills: Therapy can help you and your partner communicate with each other. It can help you express yourself and ask for what you need without attacking or blaming your partner.

4. Resolve conflicts: Your therapist can help you and your partner work through your issues and resolve them.

5. Strengthen friendship and attachment: Couples therapy can help strengthen the friendship, attachment, bonding, and intimacy between you and your partner.

6. Terminate dysfunctional behavior: Your therapist can identify dysfunctional behaviors and help eliminate them.

7. Learn skills: Couples therapy is not a long-term form of therapy. Instead, it is a short-term therapy that aims to equip you and your partner with skills to help you prevent and manage conflicts that arise down the road.

8. Improve relationship satisfaction: Couples therapy can help improve the overall quality of your relationship so that you and your partner are happier together.

Couple Therapy Techniques

Couples therapists often employ an integrated approach to treatment, borrowing techniques from different forms of therapy, depending on your needs.

These are some of the strategies a couples therapist might employ:

1. Getting to know you: The therapist creates a sense of safety by getting to know you and your partner. They work actively and collaboratively with you to help you understand yourself and your partner better.

2. Identifying feelings: The therapist helps you and your partner identify feelings and put them into words to one another. 

3. Exploring the past: Couples therapy can involve exploring your past since that can help you better understand your fears, motivations, and behaviors in a relationship. It can also help address unresolved conflicts that affect your present.

4. Focusing on solutions: Your therapist will work with you and your partner to resolve issues, correct negative behavior patterns, and focus on positive aspects of the relationship. 

5. Teaching skills: Couples therapy can help teach you and your partner anger management, problem-solving, and conflict-resolution skills. The aim is to equip you and your partner with tools to help you deal with issues as they crop up.

When Should You Go to Couples Therapy?

If you are having the same fight over and over again without resolution, it might be time to see a therapist. You can also go see a therapist if you're feeling stuck about how to manage a hard decision together if you're considering splitting up, or if there's been a major stressor on the relationship such as infidelity, financial strain, or trauma.

Most people go to couples therapy when intimacy or communication is stuck and perhaps on life support. The couple is usually at a crossroads, not knowing how to move forward or if they even want to move forward anymore.

But healthy couples can benefit from couples therapy too, as it's an opportunity to improve connection and communication. So you shouldn't just go if you're having trouble. Some couples just want to make their good relationships better and want to learn new relationship skills.

Wanting the best relationship you can have is reason enough to begin couples therapy.: Love is a feeling, but a healthy relationship is a skill set. Most of us don't learn these skills growing up, so we just expect love to carry us through. But it isn't enough. That said, love combined with skills usually is enough.

Signs you should go to couples therapy:

1. Poor communication with your partner

2. Feelings of boredom or numbness about your relationship

3. Wanting to learn how to have healthy conflict

4. Having the same fight over and over again without a resolution

5. A desire to improve your relationship

6. Feeling distant from your partner

7. Feeling like you're not getting something you need (for example, time or affection)

8. Tackling a big life event (like moving, a new job, or a tough decision)

9. Managing the transition from couplehood to new parenthood

10. Managing the transition from parenthood to empty nesting

11. The presence of a betrayal (an affair or unfaithfulness)

12. Considering a divorce or wondering if you should break up

13. A desire to set a strong foundation before marriage (premarital counseling)

14. Feeling too attached (codependency)

15. The presence of past traumas that show up in your relationship

What to Expect During Couples Therapy

During your first appointment, it’s standard to be asked to sign a consent form and a contract for services and to also provide a little background on your relationship.

While what happens in therapy depends on the style of therapy you’ve chosen and the issues you would like to explore, it’s common to explore exercises related to how you hear and respond to each other’s needs, how to negotiate when your needs conflict, how to de-escalate if you experience intense conflict, and even how to structure your day to prioritize the relationship. You can also likely expect to spend time talking about your upbringing, with a specific focus on how love was modeled. “It’s important to look at subconscious programming when it comes to how you see the world.

Couples often see a therapist for eight to 12 sessions, but others go periodically; still, others might see a therapist for the entire duration of their relationship. The amount of progress you make and how fast you make it will depend on your situation. If it’s mostly stress and you’re otherwise getting along fine, you can often see some real progress in just the first few sessions. Couples aiming for 10 sessions should start to feel a “shift in perspective” around the halfway mark.

15 Things You Should Never Tell Your Therapist

Your therapist’s office is a safe space for disclosing private details of your life and working through personal problems, but there is some information you just shouldn’t share. 

Here, learn what you should never tell your therapist, so you don’t run into any uncomfortable situations in the counseling office. 

1. Don’t tell lies

It’s normal to fear rejection or have a sense of embarrassment over some details of your life, but if you’re dishonest with your therapist, you won’t be able to get to the root of whatever is causing you to need the services of a therapist in the first place.

2. Don’t share complaints about your previous therapist

If you’re wondering what not to tell your therapist, a good starting point is to avoid sharing that you hated your last therapist. The purpose of your session isn’t to rehash problems with a past mental health provider. You’re there to establish a relationship and meet your goals.

3. Don’t say that you want to be friends

Therapists must maintain professional boundaries with their clients. While you are likely to develop a close working relationship with your therapist, the two of you cannot be friends. 

4. Avoid telling half-truths

Just as you shouldn’t lie to your therapist, you cannot tell “half-truths” or leave out important details of your situation. Failing to tell the entire truth is similar to going to the doctor and only telling them half of your symptoms, and then wondering why the medication you’re prescribed doesn’t work. 

5. Don’t tell them you just want a prescription

Medications can be beneficial, and even necessary, for people with mental health conditions like depression or anxiety, but medications are often used alongside therapy. If you show up to your sessions giving the impression that you’d rather just take a pill and not talk, you’re not going to make much progress.

6. Avoid telling your therapist to fix you

It’s a common misconception that it is the therapist’s job to “fix” their clients. In reality, a therapist is there to listen to your concerns, help you process your emotions, and empower you to make positive changes in your life. Your therapist may give you feedback or offer explanations for some of your behavior, but you’ll be the one doing most of the work of “fixing” your problems. 

7. Resist the urge to use small talk to avoid your real concerns

It is natural to have some anxiety surrounding your therapy sessions, but don’t engage in small talk or tell your therapist every detail of your week, such as what you ate for lunch, to avoid diving deeper into more pressing matters. 

8. Never make fun of other people based on gender, culture, or sexual orientation 

Not only do therapists have ethical obligations to protect the confidentiality and maintain boundaries; but they’re also required to be sensitive to issues of diversity and to avoid discrimination. 

9. Never confess your love

Just as professional boundaries prevent therapists from becoming friends with clients, they also prohibit romantic relationships. 

10. Don’t talk about other clients

The same confidentiality laws that protect you also apply to your therapist’s other clients. This means that you cannot ask them for information about other clients they’re seeing, even if you know them on a personal level. Gossip about other clients is one of the things to never say to a therapist. 

11. Avoid telling your therapist that therapy isn’t going to work for you

It’s natural to have some doubts about what you can get out of therapy, but coming to your first session with your mind made up that it’s “just not going to work” likely isn’t going to lead to any effective outcomes. Instead, come with an open mind. 

12. Don’t apologize for talking about yourself

The entire purpose of therapy is to discuss yourself, so you should never feel the need to apologize for talking too much about yourself. Your therapist needs to know what is going on with you, and they won’t perceive you as rude if you spend most of the session talking about your personal life. 

13. Never apologize for emotions

Your therapist is there to help you become comfortable with understanding and processing painful emotions. Saying that you feel bad for feeling guilt or sadness is on the list of what not to say to your therapist. 

14. Avoid just sticking to the facts

There is certainly a time and place for sticking to the facts, but a therapy session requires you to move beyond objective facts and discuss the subjective feelings you have surrounding a situation. 

15. Don’t be brutally honest about certain topics 

While it’s important to be open and honest about your personal experiences that have brought you to therapy, you should avoid being brutally honest about certain topics, such as how you feel about your therapist or your feelings toward the front desk receptionist. 

5 Things to Look for in a Couples Therapist

Here’s a list of five things to look for when choosing a couples therapist.

1. The therapist specializes in helping couples.

First, you want a therapist with specialized training working with couples, and you want this focus to be the bulk of their work. The skills and processes needed to work effectively with couples are not the same as those needed to be effective in working with individual clients.

2. You can get on board with their methods.

It’s OK to be skeptical of new things at first, but at some point, you’ll need to get out of your own way, surrender to the process, and give the method a chance to work.

3. You and your partner both like the therapist.

The quality of your relationship with your therapist is important. No matter how high your therapist is rated, if you don’t like them or don’t feel safe with them, the process just won’t work. Again, it is ok to be skeptical at first, but eventually, you’ll have to feel that you and your partner are in alliance with your therapist and their methodology to get value out of the experience.

4. They don’t take sides, shame, or blame. If they do, they are willing to repair the hurt with you.

You should NEVER be blamed, criticized, or shamed by a therapist. If a therapist takes sides, call them out on it. Let them know how you feel. If they don’t repair with you, cut your losses.

5. The therapist works from a place of empathy.

You will need to consider something new and be willing to see your problems from a broader perspective. You can’t use the same thinking that got you into trouble to also get you out of it. That’s the beauty of a good Couples Therapist! They can reflect you, your partner, and your relationship system to you in a whole new way. Embrace this gift even when it is uncomfortable. Just remember that when your therapist holds a mirror up to see yourself or the negative pattern you and your partner get in, make sure they’re reflecting from a place of relentless love and compassion. If you are being held with anything other than 100% acceptance and empathy, first try and discuss how you feel with the therapist, and if they won’t repair the hurt with you this is not the therapist for you — get out immediately.

How to Find a Couples Therapist

Couples therapy sessions are facilitated by a trained, licensed clinician, such as a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), licensed professional counselor (LPC), or licensed clinical social worker (LCSW). They may call themselves couples counselors, marriage counselors, marriage therapists, or simply therapists. Just make sure to vet their credentials carefully, as some people may call themselves therapists when they do not have training or a license to practice.

You can search online for couples therapists in your city or state. Online directories offered by organizations like Psychology Today, The Gottman Institute, Alma, MyWellbeing, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, and others can also be good starting places.

Another place to get to know therapists today is through social media platforms like Instagram, where many practitioners share resources and relationship tips that might give you some insight into their philosophy and areas of expertise. Many therapists also share their recommendations for finding good practitioners on their pages. (Just make sure to always vet everyone's credentials thoroughly!)

It can also be helpful to receive referrals from people you love and trust, such as friends, family members, and healthcare providers.

It may take some time to find the right couples therapist who you both feel comfortable with and confident in, so be open to shopping around and speaking to a few different people until you settle on the right one who can support your relationship.

Sources:

Very Well Mind

PsychCentral

MBG Relationships

Very Well Health

The Staten Island Family

Todays Parent

Medium

Zencare

US News

Marriage

 

The content herein is provided for general informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Medical information changes constantly, and therefore the content on this website should not be assumed to be current, complete or exhaustive. Always seek the advice of your doctor before starting or changing treatment. If you think you may have a medical emergency, please call your doctor or 9-1-1 (in the United States) immediately.